5 Tips for Settling Conflicts More Effectively

Most major conflict derives from some aspect of hating not having what you want and blaming others for your inadequacy. This is often preceded by the fear that you may never actually get what you want or what you need. The inner voice in some people can make that hate so loud it motivates acts of violence or even acts that go against your own self-interest.

The Israelis and Palestinians have used this fear and hate to drive conflict against their self-interests for decades. The new Award-winning documentary "One Rock Three Religions" explores the human side of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. The film, directed by Isaac Hertz, and produced by Valentina Castellani-Quinn (step daughter of famous actor Anthony Quinn) recently won the Human Rights Award 2016 at the Milano International Film Festival.

With screenings at the Berlin Cinema for Peace Foundation and a YPO Special Event Presentation at the Cannes Film Festival 2016 , the film has gained major political attention, including the US Congress Award Recognition, inspiring Congressmen to propose two bills to support and create peace in the Middle East while protecting minorities throughout the conflict.

The film not only highlights the conflict, but offers up ideas about resolution. By exploring one of the oldest conflicts in the world it surfaces the ways people can reduce or even eliminate their hatred and resolve daily conflict. Here are some applicable insights that are useful at your home, your office, and in society.

1. Leave the past behind, begin with the present

How you got here doesn't really matter except to keep you from getting here again. Deal with the situation as if it were brand new. Let go of the harbored ill feelings rather than seeking revenge for past transgressions. A grudge serves no one and negatively impacts everyone.

2. Find the humanity

It is so easy to forget that the people you are in conflict with are in fact other human beings with their own needs, wants, and flaws. Just like you, they are subject to making mistakes, sometimes without realizing how they may affect you. You may think that these people are against you or your beliefs but in many cases, the struggle is with themselves and you are not a part of that equation. You are simply in the way.

3. Express compassion

What does this person need? Is it basic survival or simply understanding? Connect with your empathy. Look for positive ways you can improve how they feel about you as an individual. Then they may have more relaxed perspectives about the crucial areas of disagreement.

4. Listen objectively to the other side's narrative

It is easy to make assumptions about other peoples' motives when they inflict some sort of trouble on us. Do your best to objectively listen to what they are saying while suppressing your inner voice. You might learn a great deal about the impact you are having on the relationship, both positive and negative.

5. Examine your own narrative

You may find yourself frustrated by others, but often the problem lies within your own perception and personal issues. Take a look at your story from an opposite perspective. Write down the actions that led up to the conflict as if you were the other person. You may learn that you had the ability to resolve or even prevent the conflict all along.