How to love someone you hate?

The Five Steps are a recipe for doing things differently. These steps apply to every situation in which you find yourself getting upset with another person. If you follow these steps devotedly, you will transform this relationship from one of fear and anger to one of Love and Freedom for each of you.

1. Free Yourself: Know that whatever is going on with the other person has nothing to do with you. Their reaction is about themselves, and their history. Whatever is going on with you (inside) is about you and your history. This is where you want to focus, ON YOU!

2. Stop, Do Nothing: When the incident starts, STOP! Do nothing, say nothing. Never say the first thing that comes to you. You have to be in the past, and so is the other person. You’re both “Gone.” No one is present in this current situation. It is important to be very aware of you, and what you are experiencing. This is a goldmine for self-awareness, and ultimately, personal freedom. Listen to you, and to them. Listen with Self-Love, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Respect.

3. Share or Exit: If it feels safe, share the truth about you. Not about them. What are you feeling? Where does this feeling come from? The feeling is yours and belongs in your history. If it does not feel safe to share about you, just listen to you. What are you thinking, feeling? What sensations are you experiencing? As soon as you can, create a safe and graceful exit.

4. Write: As soon as you can, go to a safe place and write about your experience. Write about you, not the other person. Write with Self-Love and Self-Acceptance. Address the following topics:

• What did you think, feel and sense in this situation?
• What specifically triggered this?
• Remember earlier times in life when you had very similar thoughts, feelings, sensations, responses, and reactions.
• How does this past experience impact on you now?

5. Choose Differently: Choose to transform your relationships. Commit to yourself – that you will choose differently now. You will choose Love over fear. Choose not to stay stuck in the past and create relationships based on your past. Commit that you will create the life you truly desire, rather than one you unconsciously choose…